It's a fellowship, not a book club

I have always been grateful that I went to a few meetings before being exposed to any of the literature.  If I had read the Big Book while drinking I would have been much less open to coming to AA.  The 1930's inspirational literature style of it would have driven me nuts.  Reading the Big Book after being exposed to how people apply the program in their lives made all the difference.

The literature contains principles that form our common ground.  For that reason the Big Book, the 12 and 12, AA Comes of Age and the other classics are very, very important.  They are not, however, sacred texts that should be taken as the ultimate test of every practice or idea.  Our experience as a fellowship plays that role.  If we don't know more about recovery and living in sobriety than Bill Wilson did in 1939 then we have been doing something very wrong for the last 73 years.

AA is not a personal success story

AA is not a personal success story.  It is instead the story of our colossal human failures now converted into the happiest kind of usefulness.  It is not a conquest. It is ending the war, surrendering unconditionally.  It is a gift freely given.
↬Fr. Tom Weston
 

The way we listen

The way we listen to others who are annoying, perhaps sharing inappropriately, the way we listen to them, open ourselves up to them, purifies the the spirit like nothing else.

(Paraphrased from Fr. Tom Weston)

The Highest Rank

I was reminded over the weekend that the highest rank anyone can achieve in AA is 'sober'. 

You become a member of AA when you say you are a member and as a member you get one equal share in the fellowship.  No one can tell you that they have x years more than you so their opinion is more valid.  We all learn great things from newcomers and we've all heard old timers who might be less wise than we would hope.

It is a radical democracy.  Let's exercise it.

Another thing I keep forgetting

Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself and, if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself. For it is the unaccepted self that stands in my way and will continue to do so as long as it is not accepted.

A Search for Solitude. Edited by Lawrence S. Cunningham (San Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco,

1996): 220

Forgiveness, Revenge, and Justice

At yesterday's meeting my group ended up discussing righteous indignation, resentment, and the desire to see others punished.  I think this is an area where the Big Book and the other literature I can think of right now are insufficiently clear.

At the end of the meeting a newcomer asked me where to draw the line, how to give up all resentment and anger without becoming a doormat. That, of course is a very important question and one we hear a lot.

I think the answer lies in the distinction between justice and revenge.  The program's ban on 'righteous indignation' is not a ban on moral evaluation.  Forgiveness does not mean being a judge, bringing down the gavel and declaring 'not guilty'; it means letting go of the pain.  When we evaluate a situation in which we have been injured we have to be careful not to seek vengeance, to find joy in seeing others punished.  But that does not mean we stop seeking justice, both for ourselves and others.

The Worst Sin

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity. -- G.B. Shaw

 

I agree with this.  Human beings are not complete in isolation; we are herd animals.  We need each other in a very profound way and indifference toward others, silencing or isolating others are ways of denying them their humanity.  

Needless to say, this is a sin of which I am guilty.  As much as I hate being invisible, I often fail to see others.  As with so many of my shortcomings, I just have to work on that.

Masks

Alienation begins when culture divides me against myself, puts a mask on me, gives me a role I may or may not want to play. Alienation is complete when I become completely identified with my mask, totally satisfied with my role, and convince myself that any other identity or role is inconceivable...

The man who sweats under his mask, whose role makes him itch with discomfort, who hates the division in himself, is already beginning to be free.

The Literary Essays of Thomas Merton: 381

I think alcoholics are especially able to appreciate Merton's comments.  While active we live under the mask of sobriety ("Hey, I just had one glass of wine.  I'm fine.") and recovery begins with the removal of that mask.  Full recovery, of course, doesn't stop there.  We have to live in the truth, however hard that may be and however far out of sync with the society around us that puts us.

Saw this on the web today

People were created to be loved.
Things were created to be used.
The reason why the world is in chaos is because
things are being loved and people are being used.

Been a long time

It's been a ridiculously long time since I posted to this blog.  It makes me think of something Frederick Brooks said in The Mythical Man Month, a classic work on software development:  "How does a project get to be a year late?  One day at a time."

I always think of the 'one day' slogan as applying to progress.  Well, I have to remind myself that it applies to degeneration as well.

So, here I am, still sober and resolved to get back here.  Posting to this blog forces me to think of my values and that's about as important as it gets.