The Opposites of Joy and Sorrow

We can experience both joy and sorrow, even at the same time, for joy and sorrow are not opposites.  It is not joy and sorrow, but their opposites, that cause damage.   The opposite of joy is cynicism and the opposite of sorrow is callousness.  

Cynicism is rooted in the assumption that everyone is always in control and therefore everything bad that happens is the result of ill will or incompetence while everything good that happens is the result of someone's self interest.  

Callousness is the inability to feel that follows from the fear of losing control.

(I found this today among some notes I've made on Joy.  I think it is a variation on a passage from Thomas Merton, but I'm not sure.  In any event, I thought it was worth sharing.)

Some 10th Step Questions on Gratitude

As I mentioned in a recent post, I have some problems with gratitude. Simply put, I take most of the world and my life for granted and I don't spontaneously see the enormous gifts I receive.  Now, recognizing the problem and finding a way to address it are two very different things. I looked around for a while and finally found a suggestion that I ask myself three questions at the end of the day as part of my 10th Step daily review:

What have I received today?

What have I given today?

What difficulties have I caused?

Daily Suggestions

Did you ever wonder why, when faced with our many daily problems, that we don't just take some of the very practical, very easy to use, suggestion that the Big Book makes...

Page 87 - 88: "As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."

The Steps in Later Sobriety

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I am troubled by my lack of Gratitude.  The simple fact is that all life is a gift and I just have trouble seeing it that way.  Having a spiritual problem, I turned to the 12 Steps for help and looking at them with a problem like this in mind got me to thinking.  It strikes me that the Steps as outlined in the Big Book are fantastic tools identifying the presence of defects of character but they are less helpful in identifying the lack of character assets.  So I can assemble a pretty good list of my resentments, but not of my gratitudes.

This blog was started with a posting by Dave about how sponsorship changes in later sobriety.  I'm wondering if a discussion of how the steps might change in later sobriety would be useful.

Slothin' around

As I have mentioned here before, I was laid off at the beginning of this year and, given my age and specialization, that pretty much means the end of my career in textbook publishing.  After I got sober 10 years ago I was actually in a similar situation and ended up starting my own business selling fine art photography at art fairs.  In 2008 I made some bad business decisions in an unforgiving climate (it's hard to sell people things to put on their walls when they're not sure they're going to have walls).  As a result I ended up back in publishing for a few years, ending in this layoff.

Now, the obvious strategies to pursue are either to apply my skills in another industry or start up another business.  I've been trying the first but I am in an field (educational technology) that, like all technical fields, is rampant with ageism.  That's not a gripe, just a fact I have to deal with.  So, why haven't I started some new variation on my previous business, a business that is tremendous fun, uses many of my skills, and actually adds a little beauty to people's lives?  My theory has been that I am frozen in my tracks by fear of failure. I still think that is true as far as it goes.

This morning, though, I read a description of the traditional Christian view of the deadly sin of Sloth.

More thoughts on Anonymity

Anonymity is a funny thing. On the surface it seems like and old fashioned, unnecessary thing; a throwback to a time when there was a stigma on alcoholism (of course now thanks to People magazine and other entertainment-based media outlets, being an alcoholic is not only accepted but encouraged!). But seriously folks...

I personally think anonymity is the most well-known and yet the most consistently misunderstood Tradition we have. Partially because of the climate of secrecy that has been built up in AA as a result of people not understanding it in its full context.

"Steve spoke at the meeting last night."
"Which Steve?"
"Big Book Steve."
"Oh..."

Sure anonymity protects the newcomers when they come in, allowing them to feel safe that their identity as an alcoholic and will be kept confidential. And, as Brian noted, it protects AA as a whole from a possible black eye when someone has a very public relapse in the media and pictures of them passed out cold behind the wheel get plastered across the internet. But anonymity goes much deeper...

Some thoughts on Anonymity

A recent discussion and some reading in Kevin Griffin's A Burning Desire: Dharma God and the Path of Recovery got me to thinking about Anonymity.

Anonymity is not just about concealment and protection, either of the group or the individual.  Protection from exposure of the individual as an alcoholic and protection from opening the fellowship up to negative publicity are certainly important.  Few newcomers would feel comfortable coming into the fellowship if they thought it meant publicly declaring they were alcoholics.  Admittedly, this worry about exposure very often diminishes or even goes away completely over time.  Similarly, protecting AA from the negative publicity of an openly declared member relapsing is also important.

I think the real core of Anonymity as the spiritual foundation of our traditions lies in its link to Humility.  When I walk into an AA meeting I am Brian M, with no family name, no profession, no title, no social status, no political or religious affiliation.  I have let go of all the 'identifiers' our society puts on us and I have come to a place where I can safely open up (and discover) who I really am, my real place in the world.  This search for who and what I am should not end with the 'right sizing' we so often hear about in meetings.   I have to admit that I find that phrase pretty troubling.  I can't help but hear an implicit comparison in the phrase 'right sized'.  It sounds to me like we are looking for our proper size in relation to others, and that is not true humility, although it may be a step toward humility.

Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof

"Bloom where you are planted"
"Just deal with what's in front of you"
"One day at a time"

Early in sobriety when I heard these sayings I interpreted them as "Live like there is no tomorrow!" which is what I had been doing a along while drinking, so it didn't seem I needed to worry about this one, right?

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." If living one day at a time was so simple then why was it important enough to mention it a couple of thousand years ago as one of the base requirements for developing a spiritual life?

I didn't need to worry about it until the first day in early sobriety when the cravings wouldn't stop and I had to hold on to those saying for dear life because I knew if I could just make it to bedtime I would stay sober for another day.