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In Step 3 we decide to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. Most of us devote a lot of attention to the precise meanings of the word "God" in that sentence, point out the importance of the word "decide" and pretty much assume the words "will" and "lives" are understood. This might be a serious oversight.
Beatrice Bruteau points out that there is an important distinction between wishing and willing. Wishing is passive, it says that we cannot change reality, that we have to ask or wait for someone else to change it. Wishing puts us in the role of Aladdin, waiting for a genie to act. Ultimately, it leaves us pretty hopeless. To take a very mundane example, it is the state of the job seeker who would love to have work but makes no calls, fantasizing that some employer will descend from heaven to rescue him.
Willing, on the other hand, acknowledges that while we cannot control reality we can influence it. Willing involves action. With willing we move toward the good we want in the world and in moving toward it we feel peace. To go back to that mundane example, it is the state of the job seeker who is actively taking steps to get a job. Willing must be open. The results of our actions may not come in the time or in the way we desire. To insist on that brings us back to wishing.
When I was drinking I wished I could stop, but I was not willing to do anything about it. I was more or less waiting for the Recovery Fairy to sprinkle Sobriety Dust on me and solve my problem. It didn't work. Only when I willed to be sober, when I did something about it, did anything change.
When I turn my will over to my Higher Powers I am aligning my actions with the values that Higher Power represents. It has nothing to do with passive dreaming; it has to do with my actions, my life.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
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One thing I have always felt was overlooked in the third step is the fact that it is only a decision. Many times in meetings on the third step I hear people describing how they take the third step each day and turn their will over to God, only to take it back by lunch".
ReplyDeleteYet we turn nothing over in the third step, we only make a decision to turn these things over for their care. Ultimately this is one more thing I did not get when I was new.
Everyone made it sound easy "I just 'turn it over each morning". Sounds easy until you realize that most of the room has no idea what that really means. Of course only later did I find that the Big Book spells out between pages 60 to 88 just how I can learn to "turn it over".
It turns out that it only makes sense that I wouldn't know how to do that, I never learned how to. I am supposed to be learning an entirely new way of life, it only makes sense that I might not quite know it all when I come in.