The Second Step and Our Limits

I have written before about my misunderstanding the Second Step when I first got into the program.  Like a lot of people, I focused on the Power, demanding to know exactly what it was before moving on.  It took years for me to realize that the Step is fundamentally saying that there is a way out.  The only thing it says about that way our is that it is through a 'power greater than ourselves.'  So far, so good.  I had gotten beyond demanding a theological treatise, but I was still very much focused on that now fuzzy, ill-defined Power.

Over the last couple of days I've looked at the Step a bit differently.  I think it is valuable to see Step Two as a direct extension of Step One.  In Step One we said we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable.  We began to recognize our limits.  In Step Two we continue to recognize those limits and say "OK, there may be a way out, but it sure as Hell isn't me." 

For years as an active alcoholic I insisted that I was the way out.  I would use my tools -- reading, meditation, discipline -- and I would conquer this addiction and I would be happy.*  There is a saying in the medical community that the doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient.  Well, by that standard (and many others) I was a total idiot during my active alcoholism.

Moving from Step One to Step Two is a process of 'coming to believe' that I am not the only resource I can call on, that there are forces greater than me and that I can use their help in my recovery.  It is a gradual process and one that requires practice in every sense of the word.  Luckily, the First Step has relieved us of the burden of doing it all ourselves, since we just plain can't, and frees us to focus on our lives, our behavior and the people and things we encounter.  Gradually, through letting those powers in and doing the work we do come to believe.

And, unbelievably enough, the addiction comes under control and I do end up happy.  Even better, I end up quietly content.

*I now find the statement "I am happy' a bit creepy, since happiness and contentment are not solitary activities.  But that's a subject for another posting.