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Her argument is based on shame. She says she doesn't talk about her drinking years, first of all because they were boring.
Simone maintains that there is no reason for alcoholics to be ashamed, " Knowing what we now know about alcoholism". Well, it may not be rational for alcoholism to be viewed as a shameful moral failing but in my experience it is viewed that way by most people. For that very basic practical reason just about all of us feel we have to be careful about telling people we are alcoholics.However, there's been another reason, I think, for this egregious lack of conversation about those earlier years. On some level -- well, actually, on a very conscious level -- I am ashamed of them. And I think that the concept of anonymity helps to perpetuate that shame.Now, before you start getting all hatey on me, listen up: I support AA. It helped me get sober, and it helped me stay sober. Any group that offers support for someone trying to get healthier is a good group. But I think it's time for a name change. The "anonymous" part is maintaining the shame.
But there is another reason behind the 12th Tradition that Simone ignores - it is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions. Its long form reads
And finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the principle of Anonymity has an immense spiritual significance. It reminds us that we are to place principles before personalities; that we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.It is important that when we enter the rooms we leave our titles, degrees, addresses, etc. behind. This is an essential part of making an AA meeting a safe place to discuss our lives, our alcoholism and our recovery. We talk about things in the rooms that we would not discuss with our closest non-alcoholic friends and we feel safe and supported. Such discussion topics are not limited to our drunkalogues; they include all the consequences of our spiritual, psychological, and physical disease. I remember being amused when I went to a meeting in another city and the chair's introduction included the warning not to discuss any unprosecuted felonies in detail.
Beyond the safety factor, anonymity is essential to our AA schooling in humility. I really think that in the last analysis the first 11 Steps are about developing humility and the 12th is about what to do with it.
Finally, in reading Simone's column I was struck by how she kept referring to AA in the past tense. I can't help but get the impression that she's 'graduated'. I think AA can be legitimately used as a way to overcome addiction to alcohol and develop habits that make reactivating that addiction unlikely. However, if someone limits their AA experience to that they are missing the point. AA is a spiritual path that allows us to strike at the reasons we wanted to anesthetize ourselves and hide in the first place. Using it exclusively as a mere post-detox is cheating yourself of a wonderful opportunity for growth.
Fascinating post. It's a "we" program, I'm sometimes told. Or, "don't drink, read the BB, go to meeting" I used to tell others. Today, as a "result," I get to speak for Michael, rather than my home group, AA, or mankind. I get to allow, say, Maggie, her opinions. Just like I get to allow someone to say - gasp - there is no god. I read Maggie's words, and I observe my fear - "what will become of me?" Just fear, just ego doing it's job. Then it falls away, and I see Maggie as another manifestation of God, or sister, or however "you" conceive the connection (or lack of connection). 16 years "sober", and while "we" were taking the steps, I was going to meetings, reading the Book, calling my sponsor, and dying. My realization today (for me) is that it's a "we" program today because I participate; and, realizing Tradition 1, I understand my part in that participation, which is not to correct Maggie, not to decide she's "right" or "wrong." What I say, the words and ex-pressions I use are an outward manifestation of an inward reality. Maggie, I surmise, needs to fix AA. Today I do not (except when I do). I realize the equalizer of anonymity, it's sacrificing of "self" so that I can be a small but vital part (participating) of a great whole - with you, with my home group, family, employees, in traffic, the world etc. Last part of 12th step keeps expanding for me. I fix the external because I cannot face the internal. "I live on an unpleasant roller coaster" a friend recently told me. I don't have to fix her. I love her enough to allow her to suffer, to experience. Suffering's neither good nor bad. It is. I love her enough to lead by example. I also lead by example when I punched walls in front of other employees at 14 yrs sober, out of frustration. I don't need AA today. It needs me. I have no fear that if I "get it," if I "forget my last drink," if I "don't pass this on to others I'll drink." There's nothing for me to "get" today. I'm present (except when I'm not). As a result, I go where He directs me, as opposed to being fear-driven to make meetings and carry a message for dear life. I am of service, am useful not out of fear but because I own my fear when I see it, and then watch it fall away. Then I see what's real, instead of the fantasy I just saw (like the author says in the final story of the 4th edition, in the last 2 paragraphs?). I'm perfect, not in the sense of being flawless, as inventory reveals the flaws. I'm perfect in the sense that I'm whole, restored to sanity, liked with my higher power, connected with Him, you, them, Maggie etc. Except when I'm not. If i label myself recovered or recovering, that's my choice; or Michael or Mike. If you label me as recovered or covering, or Michael or Mike, that's your choice. It has nothing to do with me. I'm an alcoholic. But I have no need to "remember that" out of fear that if I forget I will drink. I realize today that I am. Not I am alcoholic. Just, I am. I don't have a clue what you are. But "you" fascinate me today. I wish to know more about "you." I wish to understand "you." I'm all ears. Refrain - except when I'm not.
ReplyDeleteBtw - this is not stuff I share in a "meeting." It is of no help whatsoever. In fact it distracts from the message. But as stated, "going deeper than just don't drink," and Bill's suggestion that AA is but spiritual kindergarten, this is more stuff I discuss with my sponsor, and my wife - who has been "altered" through the program of Al-Alon, and who is today also happy, joyous and free. But that's enough of me speaking for her. "I teach what I wish to learn," my sponsor suggests, I ex-press what is within, and so my comments above were, and are, the internal made manifest, a way for me to see materially what I realize. Thanks for the material.
ReplyDeleteOkay, where to start. I guess before I launch in to my comments about Maggie Lamond Simone's fundamental misunderstanding of what AA means by anonymity, I should say that I was immediately prejudiced by her support of the Bristol Palin School of Language Arts. So, having said that, I will do my best to not get too "hatey" on her.
ReplyDeleteSimply put the article concentrates on the immediate and fundamental reason for anonymity, shame and guilt. Sure many alcoholics are full of shame when they first get come to AA and get sober. In many cases it's likely that this "shame" was what drove them to finally make a change in the first place. So, not always a bad thing.
And many want the comfort of knowing that there is a good chance that their attendance at AA meetings will not be made public, allowing them to recover at their own pace without certain external pressures.
But if those were the only reasons for our anonymity, why would AA use that term instead of the term "confidentiality"? They are virtually inseparable at that level, right?
So what about the humility that is gained through anonymity? How important is it for long-term sobriety? How many people feel it is the key to changing the person they used to be when they walked in the door?
For one of our co-founders it was important enough to make sure he mentioned it in his last talk. And not about it its connection to shame either. Our last two Traditions specifically address anonymity, but never in the context of shame or guilt, but rather personal growth and humility. As far as I can see there is no good way to achieve the ability to put "principles before personalities" without allowing oneself to no longer be the center of the universe. And If I am no longer the center of the universe, then I am less likely to take things personally when bad things happen, and less likely to be hurt. Which in my case makes me less likely to drink, and therefore contributes to my long-term sobriety. No shame.
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ReplyDeleteShe seems an easy target. How many members take her seriously after the opening lines - if I break the 11th tradition, how valid is what follows? What am I afraid of in her article? If non members read this, what can they do? I don't think the Conference will have this on their agenda this year. One expssion I've learned from Al-Anon is "how important is it?" Do I give her power by re-spending to what she wrote? Do I then make her words valid? 12th concept shows me how to defend myself against her views.
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