Posts
As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I am troubled by my lack of Gratitude. The simple fact is that all life is a gift and I just have trouble seeing it that way. Having a spiritual problem, I turned to the 12 Steps for help and looking at them with a problem like this in mind got me to thinking. It strikes me that the Steps as outlined in the Big Book are fantastic tools identifying the presence of defects of character but they are less helpful in identifying the lack of character assets. So I can assemble a pretty good list of my resentments, but not of my gratitudes.
This blog was started with a posting by Dave about how sponsorship changes in later sobriety. I'm wondering if a discussion of how the steps might change in later sobriety would be useful.
Clearly, as we recover we continuously go through the steps again and again. We may not be repeating them in order all that often (although retreats and AWOLs are wonderful opportunities to do just that) but we keep going back to various steps, usually as a result of the 10th. But when we return to a Step do we continue to do it the same way again and again? In looking back, I know that I have approached each Step a little differently every time. However, I've always followed the same format and I'm wondering if I should.
Perhaps it sounds a little silly, but after a few times around should we try a 4th Step that begins with an inventory of gratitudes or of people we love? In general, should we look at assets underused rather than defects indulged in? Do I always have to look at how much I resent Mr. Brown for ogling my wife or should I consider how grateful I am to my Home Group and how I can focus more on seeing the gifts they bestow on me? Must I only look at being selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate in my sex life or should I also look at how better to make my wife feel how deeply I love her?
I'm certainly not suggesting that we tell newcomers to 'accent the positive' or something like that. We alkies are very good at seeing how wonderful we are, especially when we are freshly sober. I do think, however, that a change in emphasis might be justified as we recover. I don't think the Steps are meant to be a merry-go-round, endlessly repeated in the same way. I think they are meant to be an upward spiral.
I would very much like to hear opinions on this, since I feel I am clog dancing on sacred ground.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Yes! An excellent idea. We need to look at everything differently in order to grow.
ReplyDeleteIf you're like me, you worry about stating things differently because you might lead that fragile newcomer astray. I hope they can see beyond any contradiction to understand that some few people stay with AA for a long, long time, and that the possibilities for learning are endless.
So many fade away, partly because of the repetition. Thank you for considering and reconsidering ways to continue to work it.
Chuck C. (author of A New Pair of Glasses) called AA a program of uncovering, discovering and discarding. My experience has been comparable. It has always been easier for me to find my faults, whereas my assets are harder for me as I feel like I am tooting my on horn... still. But as I list out my defects and work to have them removed, what I am has just emerged. So it has worked out well for me.
ReplyDeleteThat's not to say that I haven't tried other ways. I have, over the years, muddled around with various methods, some utilizing asset and liability columns and they have also worked. It was not as comfortable for me, but I have many friends who felt it worked better.
So, yes I agree we should spiral upward with the Steps. And yes, for many the methods suggested by Brian may work better. But how do you know?
I guess it's time to do lots of Step work, each time looking for a new experience and maybe even trying a new method! (though I suggest starting with the Big Book and working out from there)