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A series of accidents has led me to miss a lot of my home group 6 AM meetings over the last few weeks. Weather, car trouble, getting blocked in by neighbors -- just a whole series of frustrating little things that have added up to an average of only 2 meetings a week for the last 3 weeks rather than my usual 6 per week. Now, in the last 2 days, I have overslept once and misread my clock once, missing 2 meetings I could easily have made. I've kept up with other aspects of my program, especially emphasizing the 11th Step, but I can feel the unraveling.
This leads me to think about just how frighteningly easy it is to get out of the groove. One of the members of my home group went out after 12 years and in the 3 years she's been back has given a lot of thought to how it happened. She likes to describe how she systematically dismantled her program, beginning with meetings. First missing a meeting was unavoidable, then it was acceptable, then it seemed like a good idea. Then she drank and was out for 7 years.
Now that is scary. I have got to make a phone call or 2 today and get to tomorrow's meeting. And, if I see that woman, thank her again for scaring me.
Do I create peace, or does peace always exist, and I just blocked from it at certain times? The image I've been given is that a room begins as space. I then fill the room... with stuff. Is the space still there? I remove the stuff/clutter, and re-discover the space that was there all along. Likewise, is the groove always present, and I blind to it at times? How do I remove the clutter and reveal the groove? Do I attend meetings, or 10th step? Do I have to only choose one? Is there only one solution for everyone? Does fear lead to removal of fear? Can a "recovered" alcoholic drink? If so, what is the meaning of "recovered?" It is said there are no enlightened people, only enlightened moments. Is the 4th dimension the moment, and if so, are there, despite the language used in the BB, "recovered" alcoholics, or merely alcoholics who have recovered moments? And if so, can my un-grooved moments really be considered "bad," or can they be seen as necessary, as what I need to experience, in that moment? Can I witness them, just as I do my recovered moments, and not fear them? Can I truly own them? And in owning them, will I be made free?
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