Go with Your Strengths but Balance Them

The other night a few people from my homegroup went on a commitment. When it was my turn to speak I found myself talking about how I worked my program immediately after I got sober.  For years I had pursued a number of 'get-sane-quick' schemes centering around things like meditation and spiritual reading.  Now, there's nothing wrong with meditation or spiritual reading; what made them get-sane-quick schemes was the way I was trying to use them to feel better about my life without really changing anything -- like stopping drinking, for example.  When you have a glass of vodka before every meditation session just to make sure you're nice and mellow you have a strong clue that there's a problem somewhere.

However, when I got sober I found that these easier, softer ways I had tried gave me a set of tools I could use in sobriety.  While I still had a lot of trouble with the 'god thing', the 'spiritual angle' (without religion) was candy to me.  (By the way, I easily settled my problems with the G-word by just shrugging my shoulders and saying it's a nice shorthand for whatever you believe in.  Not deep theology, but it works for me.)  I read and re-read the Big Book, the 12 and 12, AA Comes of Age, Language of the Heart, etc., etc. and got a lot out of them.  But I also read books like The Spirituality of Imperfection and a whole bunch of the classics of western spirituality.  And I meditated - a lot.  I was very enthusiastic about the idea that recovery would not mean my previous life minus alcohol but would mean dying into a new life.  I was launched on a project my wife and I still call "Brian 2.0" -- a major upgrade.

This time the meditation and spiritual reading were different.  Instead of treating them as ways of feeling better while avoiding changing anything I was using them as tools to change everything.  I was using the strengths I had developed back when I was busy avoiding getting sober.  Of course, I also followed the advice of more experienced AAers, especially about doing service in the group, but the 'spiritual angle' was the driving force for me.

This emphasis on spirituality has remained the bedrock of my recovery.  I tremendously enjoy reading people like Thomas Merton, Bernard of Clairvaux, Buddhist texts or Plato and applying their insights to my program.  Daily meditation is very important to me.  However, I've done one other thing that has been very important.  Whenever I have had to choose a sponsor (and I've had to do it several times due to people moving, etc.) I have chosen someone with the opposite strength.  I have chosen people who will say things like "Fine, mulling over the difference between acceptance and surrender is very nice, but what are you going to do today?" and "which Step applies to this situation and what specific action does that demand"?

After this week's commitment I was talking with a friend about people who treat the program as a rigid set of instructions, one size fits all.  This approach would have been a huge problem for me.  My first sponsor did walk me through the Big Book page by page if not line by line, and that was a great experience.  However, I have to say that it would not have worked for me if I had not also read a lot about the early history of AA and the circumstances under which the Big Book was written.  It also would not have worked if my sponsor had succeeded in discouraging me from following up on connections I saw between the Big Book and classic philosophical and spiritual literature.  I studied Philosophy for 10 years.  It's a big part of my mental makeup and ignoring that would have been very dangerous.

I think it is very important to chart your own path, using your strengths and compensating for your weaknesses.  Even your character defects (like tending to theorize about life rather than live it) can be used in recovery, as long as they are recognized and balanced.  Go with what you've got.  The program, including the Steps, are more like a compass you use to explore than a set of calisthenics you do in a precise way according to some fixed schedule.