Neither Angel nor Beast

We who so often demand the truth from others, and call them on their hypocrisy have built layers of distortions (lies) of our true nature – the nature of an active alcoholic. It is in these lies of who we think we are, this mangled self image that our insanity dwells. Simultaneously we are the dictator of our world, victim of every conceivable circumstance, the most worthy of all praise, and the most unworthy of the smallest compliment. Let us not forget our coping skill to deal with this: ‘more’. We come to AA in this state, and it is in this state our “isms” lay; this systemic part of our psyche that demands extremes and cannot cope with the concept of balance. The truth is we come to AA not to get sober but to cope with sobriety and cope with ourselves in a most unnatural state of being sober. For many, if not all of us, were to be without AA, a dry drunk would be around the corner, and I can easily be persuaded that a dry drunk is as bad as a wet one (and sometimes worse). It is in our ‘isms’ that we find this perverse craving for chaos and misery. Our isms demand comfort at the expense of stability and happiness.


Our isms are the fear doubt and insecurity we begin to recognize when we enter AA. Our isms can keep us from entering AA, can keep us from returning to AA, and can provide the next drink. Even the most successfully recovering alcoholic still has their isms waiting in the dark corners of their mind; waiting for an opportunity, any opportunity. They are with us for the rest of our lives, and that is why they call alcoholism chronic.

Our only way out, our only solution is to come to grips with who we are and taking measures that would help deal with the impact of our condition. Our only way out is to break out of our comfort in discomfort and be with people, because this cannot be done alone. The only way out of our insanity is to be with others that are like us who understand. The only way out is to let someone in.

Simple? By definitional yes, but to go from imbalance to balance? Well, simple isn’t the same as easy.